The Devil You Know: Escaping the Trap of Familiarity and Choosing Your Fire
We think playing small keeps us safe.
We think staying in “good enough” relationships or jobs makes us noble.
We think familiarity is security.
But the truth?
Settling isn’t safety. It’s slow self-erasure.
Familiarity Breeds Contempt (and Containment)
You’ve probably heard the phrase familiarity breeds contempt.
But let’s break that down.
Contempt isn’t just the way someone looks at you sideways —
Contempt is internal corrosion.
It seeps into your relationships.
It disconnects you from your joy, your purpose, your self-worth.
It silences your dreams.
It stifles your voice.
It convinces you that staying quiet, staying still, staying safe… is better than risking your truth.
But here’s the truth:
You’re not here to settle. You’re here to set fire.
Conditioning: The Lies We Were Raised On
We’ve all been conditioned — molded, programmed, shaped to be who the world told us to be.
Alyssa said it beautifully:
“Conditioning is all the ways we’ve been taught to be somebody that we’re not.”
We picked up beliefs from everywhere — family, religion, media, ancestry.
“Women should be sugar and spice and always smile.”
“You’re too emotional to lead.”
“You don’t need much — just be grateful.”
It wasn’t until my 50s that I finally accepted that my needs and wants mattered.
Not just in theory — but in practice.
I stopped saying, “It’s fine.”
I stopped pretending that the life I built was enough.
Because it wasn’t.
And pretending was killing my fire.
The Lie of “I’m Just Quiet”
So many of us mistake our conditioning for our personality.
We say:
“I’ve always been the quiet one.”
“I don’t want attention.”
“It’s just not who I am to speak up.”
But is that really who you are?
Or is that who you were taught to be?
I used to think I was quiet. That it was just part of me.
But it wasn’t.
That was the training talking.
The truth is, I’m bold.
I’m expressive.
I’m passionate as hell.
I just learned early on that truth-telling got me in trouble.
So I stayed quiet — because quiet felt safe.
Until it didn’t.
How to Know If You’re Out of Alignment
Here’s the question Alyssa asked that cracked me wide open:
“Are you healthy?”
Not just physically — emotionally, mentally, energetically.
Because misalignment doesn’t just feel bad.
It makes us sick.
If you’re constantly tired, anxious, depressed, in pain, or burned out —
Your soul might be screaming.
Truth gets stuck in the body when it’s ignored.
Our silence becomes illness.
Our disconnection becomes disease.
Your symptoms are messengers.
They’re trying to tell you:
“This isn’t who you really are.”
Human Design: A Tool for Truth
Alyssa uses Human Design to help people understand their energetic gifts — and what’s blocking them.
She explained how each of us has a high expression and a low expression of our energy.
For example, she has the gift of powerful communication — but for years, she doubted it.
She thought her voice didn’t matter.
She feared public speaking.
Sound familiar?
When I discovered my own chart, I learned I have strong gifts in speaking, charisma, and channeling power into purpose.
Which is wild — because for years, I was told I was too much. Too intense. Too emotional.
So I shrank.
But those qualities aren’t flaws — they’re superpowers.
And Human Design helped me remember that.
You Are Not Selfish — You Are Sovereign
One of the biggest lies we’ve been sold, especially as women, is that it’s selfish to put ourselves first.
That choosing happiness is a betrayal.
That leaving a job, a marriage, a church, a friendship — without a dramatic reason — makes you the villain.
But here’s what I want you to hear:
Saying “this isn’t enough” is not selfish. It’s sacred.
Walking away from good-enough is not betrayal. It’s bravery.
Wanting more is not greed. It’s growth.
I left a marriage where no one cheated.
I left a job that looked amazing on paper.
Why?
Because I knew I was meant for more.
And that knowing was enough.
The Ancestral Wounds We Carry
Alyssa shared a powerful truth — one that resonated deeply with me:
“Sometimes our fears aren’t ours. They’re inherited.”
We carry the pain, the trauma, and the silence of our ancestors in our bodies.
Sometimes we’re afraid to speak up because, generations ago, our grandmothers were punished for doing so.
Sometimes we’re afraid to leave because someone in our lineage was killed for walking away.
These aren’t just ideas — they live in us until we break the pattern.
But the good news?
You can be the one to stop the cycle.
You can be the one to say, “The pain ends here.”
The Real Cost of Staying Silent
Let’s not sugarcoat it.
Silence costs us our dreams.
Self-abandonment costs us our joy.
Staying small costs us our voice, our health, our purpose.
And the only way back?
Truth.
When I finally left my second marriage, I kept affirming, “I will be happy. Me and my kids will thrive.”
And then this thought crept in:
“If you’re happy, no one will want to be your friend.”
That voice?
That was a belief — not a truth.
So I chose to rewrite it:
“I will be happy. And I will attract happy people.”
And I have.
So What Can You Do Today?
If you’re stuck in the familiar…
If you’re in the "good enough" marriage or job or church…
If you feel a fire inside that you’ve been afraid to unleash…
Here’s your invitation:
Get curious about your truth.
What would you say if no one else’s opinions mattered?
Name the lie.
What belief is keeping you small?
Is it “I’ll be judged”?
“I’ll be alone”?
“I’ll ruin everything”?
Seek support.
Whether through Human Design, theta healing, therapy, or community — don’t do it alone.
Take one brave step.
One truth. One conversation. One action.
Because the devil you know?
That’s not where your fire lives.
That’s where your spirit goes to die.
Final Words from Alyssa
“When your energy changes, everything around you changes.”
“When you align with your truth, you create a life that feels lighter, freer, and more joyful.”
You don’t need permission to live in alignment.
And if no one has told you lately, you are allowed to want more.
Not because you’re ungrateful.
But because you were never meant to settle.
With fire, truth, and audacity,
Jamie Shae
🔥 Want to explore your own Human Design or clear ancestral conditioning?
Connect with Alyssa Hahn at www.alyssahahn.com or follow her on Instagram @alyssahahnhealing.
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